Mainstream Conservatism: "Men Used to Go To War"

and the ongoing war on femininity

“Men used to go to war.” Something usually said in jest, in response to a man posting about his love for Clairo, used book stores, and oat milk matcha lattes. Despite this being a seemingly harmless trend— often featuring a woman poking fun at her significant other— it is crucial that we discuss the larger implications of voicing discomfort over men behaving in ways that are stereotypically “feminine”.

I’m sure a large portion of the women using this phrase are not doing so out of the genuine belief that men should turn off the boygenius and pick up an M16. I also doubt that many of these women are saying this to express disappointment with Gen Z men not engaging exclusively in activities that are stereotypically “masculine”; many of these women are left leaning, and even call themselves feminists. The sentiment of “men used to go to war” is often used as a means of gatekeeping spaces dominated by women from men; and though it is not inherently negative to desire a space exclusive to women, it is still important for all people who use the phrase at hand to understand the implications, regardless of intention.

And then there’s the other group of women who use this phrase. The women whose skin starts to crawl when they see men post their skin care routines, and talk about their love of indie-pop and Greta Gerwig films. The ones who see men post themselves drinking their (delicious looking) pink cocktails with fruit skewers and feel the need to comment “men used to go to war”. These women are uncomfortable seeing men engage in what is usually seen as “feminine” simply because they do not believe that men should engage in these things. And when they do engage in these things, it’s really really funny. It’s funny when men drink fruity cocktails and lattes. It’s funny when men dance at the club in the same way women would. It’s funny when men do their nails, their hair, their skin care, or enjoy putting an outfit together.

But why is femininity so funny?

I ask this because in the vast majority of cases, it is not simply an issue of “going against gender roles”. These women don’t laugh or leave snarky comments when they see videos of women doing things that are traditionally masculine, like fixing cars, going to football games, or barbequing— though women who engage in these activities absolutely are subjected to scrutiny, but it is almost always from misogynistic men who simply don’t want women in “their” spaces, which is an essay for another time— so what is it about femininity in men that is so much more ridiculous than masculinity in women?

I am always skeptical about trends that rely on nostalgia for a misrepresented version of the past— especially when it comes to because more often than not, we start to tiptoe into conservatism without even realizing it. Men used to go to war, men used to be fighters, men used to be manly; men are not these things anymore, and that is bad for women and society as a whole. Bring back manly men! Completely setting aside the fact that men very much still go to war, it is strange to see a mantra once coined by faces of The Daily Wire be repurposed to reach a young, mainstream, and otherwise vaguely liberal audience.

Trends like these often fly under the radar when it comes to right-wing talking points becoming mainstream, simply because they are not coming directly out of the mouths of right-wing spokespersons. That in addition to it being easily passed off as a “joke”, “men used to go to war” becomes a perfect tool for reinforcing patriarchal standards in a younger audience.

Patriarchy, yes, is the oppression of women and the supremacy of men; but it also depends on the belief that to even share characteristics with a woman is a sign of weakness.

Take the right-wing media’s reaction to Rihanna and A$AP Rocky’s British Vogue cover, for instance. The cover features Rihanna standing in front of A$AP Rocky as he holds and kisses their child on the head. The Dude Bros did not like this one, claiming that it “emasculated” A$AP, simply because he was taking on a nurturing and supportive role in the photograph. Not only that, but there were even some individuals referring to A$AP as the “mother” of his children, as if being a mother is something derogatory. To conservatives, anything adjacent to femininity is seen as weak or “submissive”, even if it is a man possessing these qualities.

The connection here is one again a man exhibits a behavior traditionally performed by women— even though taking care of your literal child is a task that should obviously defy gender norms— and is deemed as weak; a line of thinking that works to reinforce patriarchal standards. “Men used to go to war” is a phrase that works in favor of these same standards, by shaming an expression of femininity and yearning for a resurgence of traditional masculinity.

A crucial point in fighting fascism, is fighting it even— especially— when it is claiming to be something else entirely. In this case, reinforcing traditional gender roles and portraying femininity as a weak quality is within the Trojan Horse of a joke or trend; but the joke does not erase the greater implications of the ideology being expressed. Feminine does not mean weak. Feminine does not mean less. If we want true progress, we cannot hold ourselves, or each other to a regressive standard of what it means to be a man or woman.